Scars
by Love Lost Contest
Summary: His scars were physical. Mine were emotional. An entry for the Love Lost Contest.


**Title: **Scars

**Characters: **Bella and Jasper

**Rating: **M

**Word Count: **6,860

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer owns all things related to Twilight.

**Summary: **His scars were physical. Mine were emotional. An entry for the Love Lost Contest.

_This story hints at a traumatic experience. No graphic scenes._

The day that changed my life forever actually began pretty perfectly. I wasn't sure exactly what it was that had woken me up so early on that Monday morning, but I cracked one eye open to see that the sun had barely risen.

"Good morning, sunshine," a voice rasped in my ear.

I jumped slightly in the middle of my lazy stretch before realizing just who that voice belonged to.

"Hmm. What are you doing here?" My voice was thick with a sleep that was departing rapidly as he skimmed his nose up and down my neck. "Daddy will kill you when he finds you in here."

"That's why I waited til he left for work."

I giggled and turned over on my back as Jasper hovered over me. "You're so bad." I wrapped my arms around him as he kissed me, his lips trailing down my neck, leaving a lazy spiraling tingle in his wake.

"But you love it," he said as he nipped at my collarbone.

"You're so right."

Our lips met, tongues tangling together briefly before I pulled away. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Yeah," he said, dragging his lips down my neck again.

I giggled again. "So why are you here?"

"Well, that should be obvious," he said with a smirk, hitching my leg up around his waist and pressing his hard body against mine.

My head fell back against the pillow. It felt as though my heart would pound straight out of my chest. "Jasper..."

"I want you, Bella."

"Jasper, we can't." My mouth was saying one thing, but my body was saying the complete opposite as I arched against him. He pushed my t-shirt up and trailed kisses up my stomach. I groaned. "Two more weeks."

He raised his head and grinned broadly. "And then you'll be mine."

"All yours," I said with a smile that matched his. "I can't wait."

He kissed me one last time before sitting up, and pulled me onto his lap. "I'd better get over to the farm. What are you doing today?"

I shrugged. "I don't know what to do with my time these days. Maybe I'll wander over to Angela's house."

"Come have lunch with me?"

I nodded and pressed my forehead to his. "Of course."

He kissed me again and stood up, adjusting his jeans and groaning. "Two weeks." His eyes smoldered when they met mine.

I bit my lip and nodded as he leaned in for one last kiss. "I love you," he whispered.

"Love you too. Have a good day. Be safe."

Before I knew it, he'd climbed back out the window. Why he insisted upon using the window was beyond me. People never locked their front doors in our small Illinois town. I smiled and shook my head, stretching and getting up to use the bathroom. I decided to get dressed for the day and take a book out to the park. When I opened my closet, I couldn't resist unzipping the white garment bag hanging there.

I touched the white fabric gingerly, my heart thumping in excitement. I couldn't wait to marry Jasper Whitlock. We'd been in love since I was a sophomore and he was a junior in high school. Even though I'd just graduated high school a few weeks earlier, I was eager to start married life. Marrying young wasn't such a big deal in a small town. Of course there were always raised eyebrows at first. People always kept one eye out for a growing belly. But that wasn't the case. Jasper and I had decided to wait until we got married to have sex. Obviously it wasn't quite as easy as we'd thought it would be.

Once I was showered and dressed, I packed a picnic lunch and headed out to our spot in the park, intending to spend quality time with a paperback until Jasper's lunch break. He had been working on the Newtons' farm for the past three years, saving up so we could buy a house once we got married. There weren't many other jobs around, and most of the guys started working on farms at a pretty early age.

I spread the blanket out on the grass and lost myself in my book. It was a story of far away lands and enduring love. It was an escape from this small town life that I both longed for and rejected at once. I knew where I wanted to be, and that was here with Jasper.

I must have dozed off somewhere in between chapters, because I awoke to my cell phone ringing shrilly in my backpack. I sat up and stretched, reaching for the phone. The number flashing across the screen was my dad's.

"Bella!" His voice was urgent and worried. "Where are you?"

"I'm in the park. I was just reading and–"

"You need to come home now."

My heart began racing. "Dad, what's going on?"

"There–there's been an accident."

"What? Are you okay?"

I heard him swallow heavily. "I'm fine, honey."

No._ No no no no _no!

"There was an...incident over at the Newton farm today..."

I gasped as I processed the words. "Jasper..."

"Bella, just stay where you are. I'll come get you, okay?"

I nodded, unaware that he couldn't actually see me over the phone. I let it drop to the blanket and tried to keep myself from hyperventilating. Everything was spinning. _Jasper. Jasper. _

I didn't even know what kind of accident there had been. I didn't know if he was alive or dead. But I knew it was serious. _God, please let him be okay. _I rocked back and forth on the blanket, chanting the phrase silently. It must have been about five minutes later that my dad Charlie showed up. He ran to me and knelt beside me, grabbing my shoulders.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

I looked at him in surprise. "I don't know if I'm okay. Where's Jasper?"

He looked at me grimly. "I don't think–"

"Dad!" He jumped at the volume of my voice. "I need to know, and I need to know now!" I'd never yelled at him before.

He sighed heavily, shakily, and started gathering my things. "Honey, it's not good."

A sob erupted from my chest. "Please, Daddy. Please just tell me."

He nodded. "Let's get to the car first, okay?"

He explained as we drove toward the hospital. Through the roaring in my ears, I heard words like combine, accident, blood...I didn't want to put it all together. Never was I more thankful that my dad was the chief of police than now. We sped along with the sirens on and managed to make it to the hospital one county over in less than fifteen minutes.

I jumped out of the car as soon as it screeched to a stop.

"Bella!" Dad called as I raced toward the door. I ignored him. I had to see Jasper. He was too fast for me, though. He grabbed my arm and spun me around right outside the doors of the emergency room.

"Last I heard, he wasn't...stable yet. I don't know if you'll be able to see him–"

"I don't care! I just have to get in there." I twisted out of his grip and moved toward the entrance.

"At least let me be there with you," he said in a low voice.

I sniffed and nodded. I tried to have confidence as we walked into the hospital, still chanting internally. _God, please let him be okay. _

The bustle of the emergency room scared away any ounce of confidence I was trying to hold onto. Nurses and doctors were running in and out of a room. Some wore scrubs that were spattered with blood. One wheeled in a huge cart with all sorts of scary looking wires and monitors. My head was beginning to spin again. White spots appeared in front of my eyes. I slumped against my dad, and he caught me before I fell.

"Whoa, Bells. Let's get you over to a chair." He gripped me around the waist tightly, and it felt like I was ghosting over the sterile white floor tiles as he led me to a bank of chairs. "Jesus, you're as white as a sheet. Here, put your head between your knees." He sounded a little panicked. I couldn't have cared less about my own state of being.

I leaned forward like he asked, and moments later a nurse came by and pressed a cold cloth to my neck.

"You'll be okay," she soothed. "It will all be okay."

It made me want my mother. She'd been dead for ten years.

"Can someone please just tell me what's happening?" My voice was small, choked with tears.

Jasper's best friend, Mike Newton, approached us then, holding his hand out to me. "Come on, Bella."

I looked over at my dad, who nodded. "It's okay."

I wished everyone would stop using that word. I let Mike pull me up by the hand and followed him down a hallway, listening as he spoke to me in soft tones.

"I'm not going to lie to you or sugar coat it. Just the facts, all right?"

I nodded and stared into his kind blue eyes.

"Jasper was driving the combine. He wasn't wearing his seatbelt."

Panic took over my body once again. I tried to push it down so Mike would keep talking. I took deep, slow breaths and closed my eyes. I knew what was coming.

"He fell out. And...well...his legs got caught underneath."

My own legs gave out. I sunk down to the floor, the wall supporting my back.

"You sure you want to hear more?" Mike asked me after sitting next to me on the floor.

I nodded.

"He lost a lot of blood. They've been working on him awhile, and he's stable for now."

"He's okay?"

Mike winced. "He's stable."

"Will they let me see him?"

"I don't know, Bella. Look, Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock are in the family waiting room. I can show you where it is."

"Please," I whispered.

Mike steered me down the hallway to a small room marked "private." I looked to him for guidance. He nodded. "Go on in. You're his family too."

I gave him a watery half-smile. "Thank you, Mike."

He nodded and sniffled before turning to leave. I took a couple more deep breaths before turning the door handle. When I finally pushed it open, Mrs. Whitlock looked up hopefully from the chair she'd been curled up in. When she saw that it was me, her face crumpled.

"Oh, Bella," she whispered.

I started to make my way toward her when something caught my eye. Jasper's father was leaning against the wall, hands in his hair, eyes swollen and red. That's when it hit me. This was real. And that's when everything went black.

x-x-x

Jasper's legs were amputated from the knees down. The only thing I could think of when I heard this news was how grateful I was that he was alive, and was expected to do well after the surgery. When he came out of the medically-induced coma three days later, I was still there. Because of the risk of infection, only one of us was allowed in the room at any time . I insisted that his parents go first.

The truth was that I wasn't sure how I would handle seeing him lying in that bed. He was my strength, my source of comfort. I was afraid that I wouldn't be strong enough for him, afraid that I'd collapse as soon as I saw him.

"Bella?" Mrs. Whitlock's soft voice interrupted my thoughts. She smiled softly when I looked up. "He's asking for you."

I started slowly toward the door as she nodded encouragingly, squeezing my hand as I passed. I took my time walking down the hallway of the intensive care unit, counting the doors until I reached room number 407. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open and stepped in. Before my eyes could even adjust to the dim light, the nurse inside asked that I wash my hands in the bathroom near the door. I complied, and then approached the bed slowly.

He looked like...Jasper. I sighed in relief. He only had a few cuts and bruises on his face and arms. Everything else was covered by a blanket. An IV pumped a clear liquid into his veins. Other than that, he was still my Jasper. Shaggy blond hair, perfect nose, long lashes, lips that I wanted to kiss over and over again.

"Bella?" he rasped.

"Jasper," I whispered back.

"So happy you're here." He reached out for my hand, and I moved closer.

I let out a little watery laugh. "I'm happy _you're_ here. You gave me a scare." His hand felt cool and soothing in mine. I wasn't so sure he was supposed to be the one doing the soothing.

The nurse came over and checked something on the IV bag, then smiled and winked at me before leaving the room.

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

I shook my head emphatically. "No. Don't do that. You have nothing to be sorry for."

He grinned at me weakly. "I love you."

A tear slid down my cheek. "I love you, too."

"Hey now," he said, squeezing my hand. "I'm here and I'm fine. They say the worst is over."

I nodded. "I know. I was just so scared."

"Come here." I sat gingerly on the bed, but he pulled me down toward him. "I'm sorry I scared you." He pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"Please stop apologizing."

"You'll still marry me?"

I gasped and jerked my head up to look at him. "What would make you doubt that?"

He pressed his lips together and looked down. "They...I don't..."

"I know what happened, Jasper. And if you think something like this would make me not want to marry you, then you must think me truly shallow."

"God, no," he said quickly.

I grinned slyly. "We're still getting married. Don't think for one second that you're getting out of it now."

He smiled back. "I love you so much."

"Me too. So much." I kissed him softly on the mouth before laying my head on his chest.

x-x-x

The next week was a blur of doctors, nurses, physical therapists, and psychiatrists. I was at the hospital with Jasper all day, every day, only leaving to shower and sleep when I was forced. As anyone would, he grew tired of being poked and prodded, both mentally and physically.

I knew Jasper well, which meant that I knew exactly how much he hated being fussed over. He despised asking for help. Most of the time, he downright refused to do so. Having to be helped to the bathroom, needing assistance to sit up, having doctors prod at bandages all day... None of it sat well with him at all.

By the time the doctors allowed him to come home, he was exhausted and pissed off. There were purple shadows under his eyes, and he was short with everyone, including his mother. He went to physical therapy every day. There were days where he was fine and dealt with it all accordingly. Then there were the days the frustration took over. Those were usually the days he was in pain. Phantom pain, the doctors called it. Kind of ironic, because he was just a ghost of himself on those days.

The decision to postpone the wedding had been made several days after the accident. I had no problem with it, of course. My priority was making sure Jasper was comfortable and had everything he needed. Besides, we were just having a simple ceremony. Not much needed to be done. Notifications didn't even have to be sent out. News travels extremely quickly in a small town.

I was happy to help out in any way I could. I went to his house every day. Sometimes I'd cook dinner or do some laundry. Sometimes Mrs. Whitlock would force me out of the kitchen to just spend quality time with Jasper. If it was a good day for him, I secretly hoped she'd ban me from helping out around the house. But it seemed that those good days were beginning to become few and far between.

When I walked into the house one Saturday afternoon, I was shocked to find Jasper sitting propped up on the couch with a beer in his hand. My surprise wasn't due to the fact that he was underage, but the worry over whether he should be drinking with the medications he was taking.

"Jas, where are you parents?"

He shrugged. "Dad's at work. Mom ran to the store. Do I have to have a full-time babysitter?"

_Ouch_. So it was one of those days. "No, you don't. Sorry. I was just curious."

"Yeah, you're always 'sorry,' aren't you?"

I felt like I'd been slapped in the face. "I–"

"Before you say anything about the beer, save it. I don't care anymore."

I reached out to him, despite my wounded pride. "Jasper, you don't mean that. I know you're having a bad day–"

"You don't know anything!" he shouted.

I recoiled. He'd never raised his voice to me before. He'd never looked at me the way he was now. There was only ever love and tenderness in those soft blue eyes before. Now they were cold steel, and they were daring me to defy his words.

He lowered his voice, but it kept a harsh, slurring quality. "You don't know what it's like to have to relearn everything. I can't shower by myself. I can't even take a fucking piss by myself," he growled.

I was shocked, hanging on by a thread, but kept it together somehow. "No, you're right. I don't. But I'm here for you. I want you to talk to me about these things."

"I can't! Don't you see? I'm half a man, Bella. I can't be anything anymore. I can't work. I can't even get in and out of bed by myself–"

"Yet," I interrupted. This was obviously the wrong move, because his face flushed a mean shade of red before he slammed his fist down on the table next to the couch.

"No! Don't start with that 'let's have hope' bullshit. I don't want to hear it today. I'm tired of the psychobabble and the positive outlook shit. Seriously. I can't take it."

I swallowed hard and looked down at my feet. "I don't know what you want me to say, Jasper."

"I don't want you to say anything. I just want to forget about it all. I wonder if I can just forget about what life was like before the stupid accident? If I just concentrate on how everything is now, maybe it won't seem so shitty. I can't even think about the future. But the past? God, Bella, the past..." His Adams apple bobbed three times as he tried to grasp some form of composure. When he continued, his voice was softer. "I can't take you out on dates. I can't sneak into your bedroom for good night kisses. We were supposed to be married today."

"I know," I whispered. "We'll still get there. It'll just be a little longer than we thought."

He shook his head and laughed. There was no trace of humor in it. "I can't, Bella."

It was me that shouted this time. "Stop saying can't! And don't even dare say what I think you're trying to say."

His steely eyes looked up at me in supplication. Begging for forgiveness for what he was about to do, I realized.

"Bella, I can't let you do this to yourself. We can't get married. I won't be able to provide you with anything. I can't be the husband you deserve."

I was sure my heart had just been wrenched right from my ribcage. "Jasper?" He was silent. "You can be–you _are_ what I deserve. I don't care about anything else but you. And in time, you _will_ be able to do all those things you did before. What about the prosthetics the doctor was talking about?"

"I can't do it right now. I won't. I know I'm being a selfish asshole, but I can't find it in me to care."

Another slap to the face. _That's what you get for turning the other cheek_. "Please," I said softly.

"You have to leave."

"I'm not leaving you here like this."

"I mean forever. You have to get out of here and do all those things you read about in those books you love so much. See those places you want to see. You won't be able to do any of that if you stick around here with me. I'm dead weight."

The pity in his voice is what did it. Finally, instead of feeling sad or shocked, I felt angry.

"Look, I know you feel shitty about what happened. I know you feel sad and guilty and feel like life is a general letdown. But right now _you're_ being a general letdown."

He looked up at me in shock. He obviously hadn't expected me to call him on his pity party.

"You think there's anything out there that I want to see without you? Do you really think I want to go anywhere you don't? Do you know how it feels when you say things like that? I feel like a shallow, selfish bitch. And I don't deserve that. I've been here every day, Jasper. I know what you're going through. I thought we were going through it together. I love you just as much as I did before. And you're throwing that back in my face. So maybe life has thrown some really bad stuff in our path. But you, sitting there, expecting me to just walk out of here because you told me to? That's the biggest letdown of all."

He looked down into the neck of his nearly empty beer bottle. Then he shrugged as though I hadn't just blown up at him for the first time ever. "Trust me, I know you're not shallow. You're a bleeding heart who would stay with me out of loyalty. And I'll never really know if you stayed with me because you loved me, or because you felt like it's what you were supposed to do. There's too much for you to miss out on. I won't marry you. I won't let you marry me, Bella."

My eyes filled with tears, and I swatted at them angrily. "That's not going to stop me from coming over here and trying."

"I don't want you to come over anymore."

"I think you're just in a horrible mood. I'll come back when you're feeling better."

"I'm serious, Bella. It's not the beer. It's not the pills. This is me now. I'm broken, and I can't be what you need."

I shook my head as I stood up. "All I need is my Jasper."

"Yeah, well, he's not here anymore."

"He's in there somewhere. Call me when he decides to make an appearance so we can have a real discussion about the future. _Our_ future."

I ran out before he could beat down my persistence completely. _He doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it_, I told myself. _It's post-traumatic stress. It's just like the doctor said it would be. But God, why does it have to hurt so much? _

Part of me was afraid that he was serious. That he really didn't consider himself good enough anymore. What would I do if that were the case? If he really didn't want me anymore?

I found the answer to that question the next day when he called me to apologize for speaking to me the way he had. At first, I thought he was going to say everything was okay. He was just in a bad mood and feeling sorry for himself. But that wasn't what he said at all. He only reaffirmed what he'd said yesterday in a more civil manner. I flew to his house in a rage.

"I meant what I said yesterday, Bella. The wedding's off," he said.

"You can't just make these decisions without me, you know," I said, my eyes welling with tears immediately.

"I already have. I'm sorry."

"You're not sorry," I snapped. "You're just feeling sorry for yourself. The Jasper I know would push through this and be better for it in the end."

He made some derisive noise. "Yeah, well, like I said. That Jasper's not here anymore."

Seeing the blank expression in his eyes, the set of his jaw, the utter lack of anything...made me go completely numb. I didn't have it in me to participate in his little pity party. I didn't want to fight. I didn't even feel like crying. I picked up my bag and walked toward the door. When I turned back, there was still no trace of emotion on his face whatsoever. "If the Jasper that loves me comes back, please tell him to call me."

x-x-x

I spent the next few days in a state of numbness. I didn't cry. I was half expecting him to call once he was in a better mood. When a week went by, I stopped waiting for a phone call. During week two, my heart started to harden. After three weeks, my dad stomped into my room with a determined look on his face and a large white envelope in his hand.

I was sitting up against my headboard with a paperback in my hands, trying to lose myself again in the fictional streets of a faraway place.

He sighed. "Bells, we gotta talk."

I shrugged. "About what?"

Dad glanced over at the place where the white garment bag hung. I didn't know why I'd decided to torture myself by hanging it right there on the wall next to my closet. I didn't want to forget. Didn't want to give up hope. Marrying Jasper was the only thing I'd wanted to do for a whole year.

Charlie tossed the envelope onto my bed. I regarded it with suspicion. _University of Chicago _was printed in bold-faced type on the front. "It's time to talk about options."

I rolled my eyes. "Dad, you sound like a commercial."

"I'm serious, Bella. I know you were accepted before he asked you to..." He trailed off, eyeing the garment bag again. "Anyway, I just thought you'd like to take a look at what else is out there for you."

"I can't think about it. If I do, I'll crumble."

"You can't spend the rest of your life holed up in this room, living other people's lives through these books you read." He sat down heavily on the bed and patted my knee awkwardly. "Bells, there's so much out there for you. You were accepted to a prestigious school. On an academic scholarship, no less. I'm not saying that things won't work out eventually for you and Jasper, but maybe you need to get away for a while and do things for yourself for once."

I inched away from the envelope slightly, as though it would burn me.

"At least think about it," he said after a few minutes of silence. "I can't stand to see you throw your life away waiting on something that...might not happen."

I nodded reluctantly, mostly so he would leave.

I stared at that envelope for the next couple of days. It stayed in the exact spot where my dad had tossed it. I didn't want to touch it. If I did, it would mean I was considering a different, scary path that didn't involve anything I wanted. I slept on top of the quilt, snuggling under an afghan so I wouldn't have to move the flat white package. I stared at it balefully in between reading chapters or eating meals.

On the fifth day, my stares became less menacing and more curious. I had been so excited when I received my acceptance to the University of Chicago. It wasn't far from home, and I'd be able to see my dad and Jasper as much as I wanted. When Jasper asked me to marry him, he insisted that he still wanted me to go. But my dreams immediately shifted to becoming the perfect wife for him. Now what was I doing?

I'd always loved Biology, and it had been my intention to major in that area. Our high school didn't offer any advanced classes, but I'd read more books on the subject than I could count.

_Maybe it wouldn't hurt to take a small peek inside the envelope... _I reached out and tentatively poked at it with one finger. Nothing happened. _Jesus, Bella. Get a grip. Did you think it was going to bite you? _

I reached inside the torn seam and plucked out the letter and shiny catalog. I skimmed the letter for what was probably the five hundredth time. Only I hadn't read it in a few months. _Congratulations...accepted into our Biological Sciences program...full academic scholarship..._

I felt some emotion finally take up residence inside me as I flipped through the catalog. Excitement? Anxiety? Regret? I wasn't sure. I studied the smiling faces, the beautiful campus...everybody looked so happy.

I didn't know how long I stared at that catalog or the instructions on the acceptance letter. There was a phone number to call and set up an orientation. Was it too late? Would they still take me? Funny how those were the same questions I was asking about Jasper.

My hand hovered over the phone. I had to try. Just one last time.

I dialed the number I was so familiar with, and got nothing. I tried again ten minutes later. Still nothing.

So I dialed a different number instead.

x-x-x

"I'm really happy you decided to do this, Bells," Dad said as he heaped my suitcase onto the bed in my tiny dorm room.

I was anxious and excited. And a little sad to be leaving my dad behind. "Yeah, I think I am too."

"So...do you need help putting stuff away?"

I shook my head. "No, I can manage it. I think I might go out and explore a little bit before I do all that." I hated long, drawn out goodbyes, and so did my dad. After all, he would only be a two-hour drive away.

We took the elevator back down to the lobby and walked out into the warm August afternoon. Dad put an arm around my shoulders and squeezed, kissing me on the side of the head. "I'm proud of you, honey. Things happen for a reason. You're going to do so well."

I brushed a tear away and hugged him more tightly. "I love you, Dad."

"Love you too, Bells. Call me often, okay?"

I nodded. Then I watched my dad walk away and leave me to start a new chapter of my life on my own.

The campus was abuzz with the excitement of moving in, meeting new people, and reconnecting with old friends. I wandered around, people-watching and exploring. The truth was that I didn't want to go back to that small, empty room just yet. But the anxiety began melting away little by little as I took in the general air of enthusiasm and anticipation of a new school year.

Filled with a newfound confidence, I decided it was time to face the mountain of unpacking I had waiting for me back at the dorm. I walked inside to find a pretty blond girl sitting on the other bed, her gaze darting from box to suitcase to bag. She looked up and smiled brightly when I walked in.

"Hi!" She stood up and held her hand out to me. "You must be Bella. I'm Rosalie. I guess we're roomies."

I shook her hand. "Hi, Rosalie. It's nice to meet you."

"I'm so happy you're here. My family just left, and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. This room is kind of lonely."

I grinned at her. "That's exactly why I was out wandering."

We laughed together and dove into our suitcases and boxes, putting things away and making beds as we got to know each other. I was suddenly feeling much more confident about this new path my life was taking.

x-x-x

I immersed myself into my studies as soon as classes began. Unlike other students, I didn't pull all-nighters or participate in cram sessions. I was so eager to learn everything I could that I went straight from class to studying and homework in my room each day. I began to make friends right away. It helped that Rosalie was the outgoing type.

One friendship became very important to me. I met Edward Cullen in my first Biology class, and we hit it off right away. He was majoring in Biology as well, and wanted to go to medical school. Over the months, he became a study partner, a good friend, and eventually a confidante when I broke down into tears over our lab manuals one night.

I'd gotten the odd update on Jasper here and there, mostly through emails from my friend Angela. The latest one had broken my heart. He'd gotten into some bad stuff. I didn't want to ask exactly what "bad stuff" it was, but I could imagine pretty well. As much as I tried to act like my heart was hardened, it was still an open wound. As long as I didn't think about it, I was fine. But as soon as the edges of that wound were prodded, I curled in on myself in pain.

The night that I cried in front of Edward became another turning point in my life. He became so much more than a friend. He was the only one that knew what had happened. I hadn't even confided in Rosalie, and we talked about everything–for instance, her escapades with a sophomore named Emmett. I was so enamored with everything about Chicago that I decided to stay for the summer instead of going back home. I didn't think I could face what lay in wait for me there. I wasn't sure that I wanted to.

My relationship with Edward grew into something more than friendship near the end of our sophomore year. It began innocently enough and then grew into this amazingly passionate and overwhelming love. I had never felt anything like it. It felt a little bittersweet to think that, but it was true.

Sometime during the spring of my senior year, I received a surprising phone call. Rosalie and I were laughing at a story she was telling about Emmett, who had ended up being less of a fling and more the love of her life. The phone rang, and I crawled to the foot of my bed to pick it up from its place on my desk.

"Hello?" I said, sniffing back my tears of laughter.

"Bella?" a smooth voice inquired.

I almost dropped the phone. "Jasper," I whispered. "How–what–"

"Is it okay that I called?"

"Um, yeah. Yes, of course it's okay. How...how are you?" I motioned to Rosalie that I was going to be taking the call in the hallway.

"I'm...doing okay. How are you?"

"I'm good."

There was silence on the line for a good thirty seconds.

"Bella, things have been...bad...for a while now."

"I know," I said in a low voice. "I've heard some things."

He sighed heavily. I wasn't sure if he was angry about the small town talk, or if he was just trying to muster up the courage to say something. It turned out to be the latter. "I'm doing a lot better now. I'm in counseling and stuff...taking it seriously this time."

"I'm so glad to hear it," I said genuinely.

"Bella, I–I wanted to apologize. For everything." His voice was a little bit shaky. "I know I hurt you. I pushed you away when we needed each other most. I was mad at the world, mad at God, and feeling sorry for myself. And I just wanted to tell you that I'm so sorry for hurting you. Believe it or not, it hurt me too." He took a deep breath, and I'm pretty sure I heard him sniff. I wiped away a tear of my own. "Anyway, Charlie told me you're graduating with honors in a couple of weeks. I just wanted to say how proud I am of you."

"Thank you, Jasper. It's been a long road. A different one. Really hard at first. But I'm so happy to know that you're doing better."

There was silence for a few seconds. "Well, I guess I'll let you go. If you're around town anytime soon, I'd love to see you."

"Okay," I said, not sure how I felt about that just yet. It didn't matter, though. I'd been home exactly once since I started school. Charlie had come up to the city a few times for holidays, and we spent other holidays with Edward's family.

"Bye, Bella. Good luck. And congratulations."

"Bye, Jasper."

I hung up the phone and sunk down the wall to the floor. It was sort of ironic. I remembered doing that in the hospital when Mike Newton told me about the accident. The tears fell. They weren't even sad tears. They were tears of relief. I went back into our room and spilled my guts to Rosalie. She hugged me and told me she'd known something big had happened in my life, but she'd decided not to ask about it.

Before long, we were laughing again and planning a shopping trip to buy dresses for graduation day. Jasper was once again a warm memory, pushed to the back of my mind without guilt this time.

x-x-x

Three years later, I stood near the entrance of a church, my heart pounding and my stomach fluttering. I smoothed down layers of silk and organza, and Rosalie fixed a wisp of hair that had been blown out of my updo by the Windy City breeze. Charlie stood by awkwardly as we giggled and waited for our cue. A cab pulled up right outside the church. I squinted into the sun to see who the latecomers were.

A girl got out of the taxi first. I didn't recognize her, but I immediately recognized the man she helped out of the cab. He looked older, yet infinitely more handsome than I'd ever seen him. That same shaggy blond hair shone in the afternoon sun. I watched in awe as he and the girl walked up the large front stairs of the church. _He got the prosthetics!_ I couldn't take my eyes off him. He looked up at me when they reached the top, and those shiny, happy blue eyes struck my heart. I knew my smile was huge. His certainly was.

"Bella," Jasper said. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," I said, feeling a blush rising on my cheeks.

He turned to the pretty, petite girl who stood next to him. "Alice, this is Bella Swan. Bella, this is my wife Alice."

My eyes widened as I took Alice's hand. "Wife! Oh, congratulations!"

"It looks as though other congratulations are in order," Rosalie said, gesturing toward Alice's stomach. There was a bump there that I hadn't even noticed.

My eyes widened again, and I looked agape at Jasper. He nodded. I threw my arms around him. I hugged Alice next and congratulated them again. She giggled and looked up at Jasper adoringly before turning back to me. "You look so lovely. Congratulations."

"Thank you," I said again.

"We'd better get seated. Looks like we're late," Jasper said, placing Alice's hand in the crook of his arm. "Permission to kiss the bride?"

I grinned and nodded. He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my cheek before whispering, "He's a damn lucky guy."

As I walked down the aisle on my dad's arm, there was a beaming smile on my face. When I finally got a glimpse of Edward, his expression matched mine. And I knew. This path that I had chosen was the one I was always meant to take. The very path I was walking right then took me closer and closer to my happily ever after.

I was at peace with the past. I was grateful in a way for what life had thrown my way, however unfortunate some of it may have been. Because it had all led me here. To this day. To this man who was my everything. When we finally stopped at the altar, the preacher said his bit and my dad gave me away, placing my hand in Edward's. I looked adoringly at the man I was marrying and let go of the past...and took my first step toward the future.

I'd lost love, only to find it when I wasn't looking. Life is funny that way.


End file.
